Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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