it was like eating out sand paper
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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