God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
