Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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