can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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