i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
