I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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