1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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