I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
