just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
