I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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