Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
