when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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