Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
