I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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