ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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