think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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