About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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