I wish I only lived at night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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