they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
