She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
