we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my poor anus
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
