I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
