dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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