She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
