I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
