I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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