somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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