I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
