i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
