I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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