Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
