yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My pussy is not your playground.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dicks are not precious.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
