I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
