By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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