You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how drunk are you?
Several
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
