Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
