I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
