I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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