I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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