ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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