youre lurking in front of me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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