you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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