He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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