Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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