you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
