Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
