My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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