I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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