We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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