Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
