We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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