At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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