i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
