well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wish my penis had a tongue
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
