I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
