Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize