as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
