I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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