He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Success! We fucked roommates!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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