i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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