So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
