Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
