Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Still dying that you shit outside
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
