all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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