Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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