I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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