The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
