What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Couch. On fire.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
